ain't nothing but a chicken wing...

mood: indifferent ( I guess...)
listening to: Sadi Gali- Lehmber Husainpuri (I get in a FOB mood ok?)

so, after the amazing response to my last two blogs (seriously...my phone died cause you guys kept killing the battery!) I decided it was time for an entry that was a little more personal. Now some people might be reading this thinking that they know exactly what I'm talking about and who and so on and so forth; and chances are you're probably right. There's been ish, and I need to get it out there, cause quite frankly, I'm tired of keeping it in and people looking at me with pity cause everything's just so effing MESSED UP.

A few weeks ago, there was an event that shook my life up; and not in the good way. I took it hard; very hard. Those who know me on the personal level know that I'm a very SOCIAL person, and I generally am always around for everything; but during these 4 weeks, I had disappeared for 2 from the world (just went to class or stayed home), and made people worry about me. It had gotten to the point that people are still calling me on a daily basis to check up on me. To make matters worse, my parents eventually clued in and noticed that:

a) i'm depressed. I mope around the house and cry while hiding under the blanket. I also don't sleep in my room and at 22, am willing to sleep in their bed with them. That's right; my parents realize something's wrong when I act like a LOSER. thanks mom and dad!

b) I'm not eating. not eating breakfast. not eating lunch. not eating dinner. still not eating dinner after they went to sleep. and i'm saying no to food. If you know me by now, you know that I don't say no to food. I eat. I eat like a cow; so me not eating is a big deal. oh, and this has NOTHING to do with the fact my parents call me fat and say I eat too much. again, THANKS MOM AND DAD!!

c) i get upset when someone mentions my future. there was a time my dad asked me what I was planning on doing when exams were done; I didn't talk to him for the rest of the week. If you know that I'm too depressed to eat, why would you think there's a possibility that I would want to talk about the future...REALLY...

so that's how my parents tend to clue in on my life; can't say they're the worse cause they do notice when something's wrong (their method's on the other had; questionable.)

but yes, when that incident happened, it shook me up bad. I can honestly say that I have yet to recuperate from it; doing the best i can. I've been doing better; i can listen to music, laugh, fake a smile here and there; but what threw me back is learning information that makes me question things!!

let's contextualize this: an incident happens in someone's life, lets say Pooja's. now Pooja has no idea where this came from; as far as she was concerned, life was amazing; things couldn't have been more perfect. so when this happens, Pooja's confused, and to make it worse, she doesn't get a straight answer from the people around her. so for a significantly long time, Pooja tries to find reason, and answers on her own; eventually deciding that the incident occurred because of someone else's ignorance. this let's her come to terms with what happens, though she's hopeful that things will go back one day, and she makes progress. she's smiling and can look at things that remind her of the incident; until one day, someone confirms what she thought. This throws Pooja back, and she's now incapable of making a decision. it's one of those times when she wishes she wasn't right.

so that's what happened; I was proven right. I don't like being right. Why you may ask? cause I tend to analyze things, and when I analyze, I get answers I don't like. I don't like it when things I don't like come true. so yeah, i had a throw back today; cried a little on the bus going home, took a while to start blogging, but I got over it. you wanna know how? cause AIN'T NOTHING BUT A CHICKEN WING!

that line has literally saved me from becoming a recluse again. How you may ask? why it made me realize that the problem is minimal; it really is nothing but a chicken wing. you can't let little things like that make you revert back to being a recluse, or an ass, or whatever it was that made you become something you don't like. focus on the big picture. cause that's what you're aiming for; look at the name of the blog for pete's sake!

so when life's got you down, and you feel like all the optimism that you had is completely gone; look the problem dead in the face and tell it "ain't nothing but a chicken wing" (unless it's one of those women that need to grow up; then you do what I said to do in the previous posting, but this time better cause it's only one of them!)
and if you're finding that you're putting more emphasis on something that really isn't all that important (like I did today), look yourself in the mirror, make a funny face and deliver your line; you control the impact the ish has on your life.


**DISCLAIMER**

1) bhangra music makes me happy; so that song was playing the entire time i was typing. NO COMMENT.

2) I didn't actually sleep in my parents bed (I AM NO LOSER!); I slept in my sister's for a week.

that is all.